Grief comes in as many forms as there are individuals. Grief and loss come from more than just losing a loved one; it can a person, animal, relationship, career, potential future, independence, identity and many others things.
Definitions
Grief - The emotional response to loss
Mourning - The outward expression of grief, often includes cultural or religious acts or rituals.
Complex or Prolong Grief Disorder - A diagnosable condition with specific criteria, often needing professional supports
Types of Grief
Anticipatory Grief - often seen in families when an individual is diagnosed with a medical condition, such as Alzheimer’s. The person is still alive but the individual is changing and relationships are being lost. For more information on dementia and grief, click here
Ambiguous Grief - an example is when an individual is not found but gone and closure is limited.
Delayed Grief- Grief that is delayed, such as not acknowledging the death of an individual
Masked Grief - Signs of grief hidden, like hiding behind a mask
Inhibited Grief - seen as a maladaptive response by others, that the individual is not showing any signs of typical grief responses. It often is not a problem to the individual but concerns those around them. There is no one right way to grieve.
Abbreviated Grief - can be seen by others as not grieving long enough. An example is when a spouse remarries quickly after the prolonged illness and death of their partner.
Disenfranchised Grief - when the grief is not honoured by individuals, such as when the ex-spouse of an individual is seen to not need to grief as they have been separated for a significant period of time.
Cumulative Grief - when multiple losses occur without the time and resources to process each one individually. It is a not case of 1+1+1=3, but maybe 1+1+1= 5
Collective Grief- This is seen in a society when a loss effects many people, even if the loss was not a personal one. An example of this would be 911.
Education and Resources on Grief
Models of Grief
We have looked at the grieving process as a set of five stages but ongoing research suggests that model doesn’t fit for everyone or doesn’t fully encapsulate the process.
The Dual Model of Grief -
Stroebe and Schut’s model speaks of two different types of coping; loss-oriented coping and restoration-oriented coping.
Loss - oriented includes things like feeling sadness, crying, making rituals and memories
Restoration - oriented includes things such as doing the tasks the other person used to do, making new connections with community, finding hope, making new goals
A person experiencing grief will oscillate between loss‑oriented and restoration‑oriented coping, often many times throughout the day — and in the early stages, even many times an hour. It’s normal to move through a wide range of emotions as you begin adjusting to your new reality.
Traditional Model of Grief
It is often discussed that there are five stages of grief. In 1969, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross proposed the following stages: This is a link to a worksheet on the traditional models of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. We have built on this knowledge and understand that these are not set stages that everyone must work through but it does help us to put a frame around many of our emotions and experiences. Below is a worksheet that you might find helpful.
https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/stages-of-grief-education
The Tasks of Grief
The job of grieving is to accept the new reality and honor our loss. One model that discusses this is “TEAR”
The TEAR Grief Model is an acronym, and each letter corresponds to a specific task of mourning. Here are the tasks per letter:
T = This stands for the task of “To accept the reality of loss.”
E = This stands for the task of “Experience the pain of loss.”
A = This stands for the task of “Adjust to the new environment without the lost person.”
R = This stands for the task of “Reinvest in the new reality.”
Our brain has developed habit, such as calling mom once you got home or watching your favourite TV together on Sunday, once the person is gone these change. Our brain is trying to make sense of this and our emotions. It is not one right or easy way. Often we will be doing well and then for some reason the grief hits hard and we wonder if we have made any progress.
Tools for Grief
There are times that will be difficult, such as the person’s birthday or family events. Sometimes we can prepare by making sure we get enough sleep, make plans to connect with friends or develop a ritual such as going for a walk or a visit to the gravesite.
When grief hits unexpectedly, we need to remind ourselves that this is normal and that it will pass. While the emotions may be intense, we are still capable of working through them. Simple things like taking a few deep breaths, listening to a favourite song, or doing an activity can help.
It’s also important to remember that we need to process our emotions. We often distract ourselves from feeling them by scrolling on our phones, eating, or using a substance. While there can be a time and place for distraction, it’s equally important to make space to process what we’re experiencing.
Talking to others can help you put things into a different perspective as well as help you problem solve so of the new day-to-day tasks you are facing.
We can work one-on-one to build your own toolbox for managing grief. Or join our monthly workshop , a new take on support groups, where we discuss issues around grief and loss as well as support one another.
Some extra resources:
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.2190/OM.61.4.b
https://thelossfoundation.org/stages-of-grief/elisabeth-kubler-ross/?v=5435c69ed3bc
https://www.carepatron.com/templates/tear-grief-model#app-chapter-one